I can’t help but imagine that my children will have a close relationship throughout their lives, it is what I truly want for them. Of course, I am not close to any of my siblings. I don’t hate them or anything, but they are either crummy people or boring or both. I tell myself that since my children will be excellent people, they should have no problem getting along as adults. I have big plans to keep our family involved in family activities, which will create a strong bond that will endure for a lifetime.

I don’t want to even consider my children drifting apart from each other or the family in general. I know I shouldn’t be worrying about this stuff now, but I do. CONSTANTLY.

I feel so sorry for my mom. How shitty it must be to build a family and watch them drift apart. I almost feel bad enough to reach out to my siblings, almost.

I have so many expectations and dreams for my family. I know the best I should be hoping for is that they all live healthy and happy lives. But I want so much more for them. I worry I am going to smother them and they will run from the house as soon as they can and never look back.

I really should stop worrying about this stuff and focus on the now. Like getting my daughter to stop rolling over while I change her diaper.


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